I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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