this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
