I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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