i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
