McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
