i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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