So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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