Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
