I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
