I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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