I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
