Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's always time for handjobs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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