I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was like eating out sand paper
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
