hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
