Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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