12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
