I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
