Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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