I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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