I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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