Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
