One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
