Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
