nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
