I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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