no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
