I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
