Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
