I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
