Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
