I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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