farters have to be the big spoon...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
