At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
