It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
