I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
