Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
