After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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