I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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