My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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