Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
