You just made me feel so damn special
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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