At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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