So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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