So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
