Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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