I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
