We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
