But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
