fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
