neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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