I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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