so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
