So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
