Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
