so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were trust falling into bushes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
