you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
