you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
