every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
