Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
