im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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