Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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