Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
